THINGS MEN NEED TO BE FULLY PERSUADED OF IN MARRIAGE

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Bankole Olugbenga

Marriage is a dynamic institution that requires continuous effort, understanding, and adaptation from both partners. Here are key truths husbands need to be fully persuaded of to maintain a healthy, fulfilling marriage:

Emotional Labour is a Shared Responsibility
Women often carry the bulk of emotional labour (remembering birthdays, managing household tasks, and childcare logistics). Ignoring such duties leads to resentment (Hochschild, The Second Shift, 1989). Husbands should actively participate in planning, emotional support, and daily chores without needing reminders (Gottman & Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999).

Communication is More Than Just Talking
Men often default to problem-solving mode, while women frequently seek emotional validation first (Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand, 1990). Husbands should practice active listening (reflecting feelings, not just fixing the problem) to avoid miscommunication (Markman et al., Fighting for Your Marriage, 2010).

Sex is Emotional, Not Just Physical
For most women, emotional intimacy fuels sexual desire (Perel, Mating in Captivity, 2006). Neglecting emotional connection leads to decreased intimacy. Husbands must prioritise non-sexual affection (holding hands, compliments) to maintain a fulfilling sex life (Schnarch, Passionate Marriage, 2009).

Marriage Requires Proactive Effort (Not Just "Good Intentions")
Marital satisfaction declines over time if couples become complacent (Stanley et al., The Power of Commitment, 2005). Husbands must schedule date nights, express appreciation, and avoid taking their wives for granted (Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, 1992).

Conflicts are inevitable. But Contempt is Toxic
Contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm) is the number 1 predictor of divorce (Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, 1994). Husbands must disagree respectfully, avoid personal attacks, and repair arguments quickly (Hendrix, Getting the Love You Want, 1988).

Your Wife’s Friends and Family Matter
Women often view relationships holistically, and alienating her support system harms the marriage (Eaker Weil & Barker, The Female Brain, 2006). Husbands must respect her close bonds (even if they seem excessive) and avoid isolating her.

Financial Transparency is Non-Negotiable
Money conflicts are a top cause of divorce (Dew et al., Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 2018). Husbands must budget together, disclose debts, and align on financial goals (Ramsey, The Total Money Makeover, 2003).

Parenting Should Be a Partnership
Mothers often face default parenting stress, leading to burnout (Darcy Lockman, All the Rage, 2019). Husbands must share parenting duties equally (not just "helping") to prevent resentment.

Personal Growth Benefits the Marriage
Stagnation breeds dissatisfaction. Couples who grow together stay together (Harville Hendrix, Keeping the Love You Find, 1992). Husbands must invest in self-improvement (therapy, hobbies, fitness) without expecting their wives to be their sole emotional outlet.

Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
Romantic love evolves into companionate love over time (Sternberg, The Triangle of Love, 1986). Husbands must commit daily acts of love, even when emotions fluctuate (Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 2011).

Key Takeaways for Husbands
1. Emotional labour is teamwork.
2. Listen more, fix less.
3. Intimacy starts outside the bedroom.
4. Complacency kills marriages.
5. Respect is as vital as love.

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